Guide to Spanking

Let’s not beat around the bush. You’re here because you’re curious about spanking. Whether you've been tempted by the sight of a leather paddle or the idea of bending someone over your knee, you're in the right place. Whether you've been naughty or your need to teach your worst half a lesson, you're in the right place!

Spanking has evolved from cheeky bedroom fun to a proper part of BDSM culture. It’s not just about punishment. It’s about control, sensation, arousal, and sometimes, a downright naughty giggle.

So, if you're ready to explore what it really means to give – or receive – a good spanking, buckle in. Or better yet, let your partner do the buckling.

 

What is Spanking?

Spanking is a form of impact play where one person strikes another's buttocks, usually with a hand or a toy like a paddle, crop, or flogger. It’s one of the more beginner-friendly kinks because it's easy to try and can be as light or intense as you want.

But don’t mistake “simple” for “boring”. Spanking opens the door to power dynamics, trust, intimacy, and more than a few toe-curling orgasms.

At its core, spanking is about sensation.

• The sting of a slap
• The warmth that lingers
• The build-up of anticipation between smacks

Your skin becomes more sensitive, your breath comes faster, and suddenly, every touch feels electric.

 

Where Science Meets Sexy

Did you know your body releases endorphins when you’re spanked? That’s your brain’s way of dealing with the sensation – and those endorphins? They feel a lot like pleasure. Some people even describe a “spanking high”.

It’s not pain for the sake of it. It’s pain mixed with arousal, trust, and often a power exchange that makes the whole thing so thrilling.

And yes, your bum might end up a bit red. That’s kind of the point.

 

Why are People So Fond of Spanking?

It’s a fair question. Why do otherwise sensible people get excited at the idea of being spanked? Or doing the spanking?

There’s more to it than meets the eye – and the bum.

 

1. It Taps Into Power Play

Spanking is a classic form of dominance and submission. One partner gives, the other receives. It sets the tone, creates roles, and builds intensity.

• Giving a spanking lets you take control
• Receiving one can be a release - emotionally and sexually

You’re not just playing with skin. You’re playing with authority, surrender, and connection.

2. It Feels Good (No, Really)

The mix of pain and pleasure is surprisingly addictive. It’s why some people crave harder smacks after just a few taps. Your body becomes more sensitive, your mind more focused.

• A gentle spank can tease
• A firm one can make your whole body light up

And paired with oral, penetration, or even just whispering in your partner’s ear? Chef’s kiss.

 

3. It's Accessible and Easy to Try

You don’t need fancy gear or a massive dungeon. Your hand and a willing partner are enough to get started. That said, you can definitely level up later with the Sei Mio collection of Spankers & Ticklers.

 

4. It Feels Naughty (And That's Hot)

There’s a certain thrill in doing something a bit taboo. Especially when it’s fully consensual and turns both of you on.

Ever caught yourself thinking “someone should spank me for that”? Well… here’s your chance.

 

How to Get Started with Spanking

Before you go slapping someone’s behind like it’s a drum at a festival, let’s go over the basics.

Because spanking – when done right – is about connection, not chaos.

 

Step 1: Talk First

Seriously. Consent and communication are non-negotiable.

Ask your partner:

• "Are you curious about spanking?"
• "Do you want to try being the one who spanks or the one who gets spanked?"
• "How do you feel about about pain or impact play?"

Establish clear yeses, nos, and maybes. Discuss limits and choose a safe word. Something you wouldn’t normally say during sex like “pineapple” or “stoplight”.

 

Step 2: Warm Up

Jumping straight to hard hits can kill the mood – or worse, cause injury. Start with soft touches, gentle slaps, and even some light massage on the bum.

This builds anticipation and prepares the skin.

• Run your nails or fingers over their bum
• Lightly tap or slap with increasing firmness
• Watch for reactions, moans, shivers, pushing backing for more

 

Step 3: Choose Your Spanking Style

Are you going for playful? Punishing? Teasing?

Each style sets a different tone. Playful spanks can fit into regular foreplay. Punishing ones might be part of a dominant/submissive scene. Teasing might build to something deeper.

Adapt to what feels good in the moment.

 

What Should I Use to Spank My Partner?

Your hand might be a good place to start, but why stop there? The world of spanking tools is vast, and each one adds something new. Whether you’re after a thuddy thump, a sharp sting, or just something pretty to hang from the bedpost, there’s a toy for that.

Here’s a breakdown of what’s available, how it feels, and how to use it like a pro.

 

1. Your Hand

Let’s begin with the built-in classic. No cost, always available, and perfect for reading your partner’s responses in real time.

Pros:

• Gives immediate feedback - you feel what they feel
• Great for warm-up, teasing, or intimate spanking
• Easy to adjust pressure, rhythm, and placement

Cons:

• Can sting your hand with repeated use
• Limited in variation

 

Want to make it more interesting? Try spanking over clothing, then move to bare skin. Vary the tempo. Mix in rubbing or scratching. Use your fingers for light taps and your full palm for firm smacks. The hand may be simple, but it’s also versatile when you get creative.

 

2. Paddles

Paddles are for when you want to make a statement.

They deliver a firm, satisfying smack that can be playful or punishing, depending on how you swing it. Whether you're easing into a scene or turning up the intensity, paddles give you control, consistency, and a bit of delicious theatre.

Why use a paddle?

Consistent Impact

A paddle spreads the sensation across a wider area, making it easier to manage the intensity. Great for longer sessions where you want to keep the heat without overdoing it.

Control and Rhytm

With a paddle, it’s easier to control your aim and build a rhythm. That means fewer surprises and more predictable strikes. It’s perfect if you like teasing your partner with timed smacks and drawn-out pauses.

Sound and Suspense

The sound alone can be a tease. Tap it against your palm, let it hover, drag it across their skin. It builds tension before a single strike is even delivered.

Dom Energy

Holding a paddle gives you an air of authority. It feels deliberate, bold, and powerful. Great for power play, punishment scenes, or simply showing you mean business.

How to use it well:

• Start soft. Use light taps to warm up the area
• Build a rhythm. 3 smacks, one repeat, rub
• Try spanking over clothes to begin with, then slowly peel layers away
• Combine with dirty talk:
  • "This one's for teasing me." smack
  • "This one's for taking control." smack
  • "This one's for backtalking with a smirk." smack
  • "This one's for leaving dishes in the sink... again!" smack
  • "This one's for disobedience." smack
  • "This one's for touching yourself without permission." smack
  • "This one's for forcing feeding me greens!" smack
• Mix up your target zones:
  • Bum
  • Upper thighs
  • Sides of the hips

A paddle isn’t just a toy, it’s a way to take charge. Confident, precise, and a little dramatic in all the right ways.

 

3. Floggers

Floggers look intimidating, but they can be incredibly sensual or punishing, depending on how you use them.

A flogger has multiple tails that hit the skin together, creating:

• A gentle tickle (with soft materials)
• A rhythmic thud (with leather)
• A sharp sting (with narrow or knotted tails

Tips:

• Start slow. Use a pendulum motion.
• Aim for fleshy areas like the bum or upper thighs. 
• Avoid the spine, kidneys, or joints. 

Experiment with swing strength and speed. Some people enjoy a light, sensual flogging as part of foreplay. Others want to build toward an intense climax.

 

4. Riding Crops

If you want to turn up the sting and add a dash of authority, a riding crop is a gorgeous upgrade.

Crops are short, snappy, and carry a bite that’ll wake your partner right up, in the best way.

Why use a crop?

Precise and Punchy

Crops are all about targeted strikes. You can aim with precision... think the bum, back of the thighs, or that sweet spot just where the cheek meets the top of the leg. Perfect for quick, sharp reminders of who's in charge. 

Psychological Power

Holding a crop gives off serious dom vibes. It's strict, a bit posh, and totally commanding. Just tapping it lightly against your hand sends a message. No words needed!

Great for Roleplay

Want to play headmaster and naughty pupil? Strict riding instructor? Discipline-loving boss? Crops fit perfectly into all of them. Their appearance alone adds to the fantasy. 

 

How to use it:

• Start with gentle taps, especially if your partner's new to crops.
• Work in a pattern: smack, pause, tease, repeat.
• Use the tip for targeted spanks, or the shaft for broader strokes.
• Mix spanking with commands:
  • "Stay still!" tap
  • "Good boy/girl!" smack

You can also use the crop to trail along their skin, tap gently on sensitive areas, or press flat against the thigh before delivering a quick flick.

 

Where to aim:

• Bum cheeks
• Upper thighs
• Side of the hips

 

Avoid the spine, joints, or anywhere bony. Cropping should sting, not bruise unintentionally.

If you're after something sleek, sexy, and seriously satisfying, a riding crop deserves a spot in your toybox.

 

Best Positions for Spanking

Where you spank someone matters just as much as how. The position affects control, access, safety, and, let’s be honest, the view.

Different positions can change the dynamic. Some feel more submissive, others more playful. Here’s a breakdown of popular spanking positions, what they’re best for, and how to get into them.

 

1. Over the knee (OTK)

One of the most intimate and traditional positions.

• Partner lies face down across your lap
• One arm can hold them in place the other delivers the spanks
• Works best sitting on a sturdy chair, sofa, or bed edge

 

Why it's hot:

• Encourages a submissive mindset
• Allows you to alternate between spanking, rubbing, and praising

OTK is brilliant for beginners. You can start soft, gauge reactions, and escalate from there. It also works nicely with bare hands or a small paddle.

Pro tip: Have your partner undress slowly before getting into position. The anticipation builds like mad.

 

2. Bent Over Furniture

Leaning over a table, chair, or the bed gives great access and control.

 

Set up:

• Partner bends at the waist, resting their hands or elbows on the surface
• Bum is presented and slightly arched for maximum exposure

 

Benefits:

• Easy to restrain wrists to furniture
• Great angle for spanking and penetration
• Height can be adjusted with pillows or cushions under the hips

Want to spice it up? Tie their hands to the chair legs with silk ties or bondage rope. Use a blindfold to add suspense.

 

3. All Fours

Classic and raw. Partner kneels on the bed or floor, supporting themselves with hands and knees.

 

Pros:

• Sexy silhouette
• Free access to the bum, genitals, and thighs
• Combines well with spanking, oral, or toys

 

Tips:

• Use a spreader bar to keep knees apart
• Ties to the bedposts for full restraint
• Place a vibrator underneath for extra stimulation while spanking

All fours also makes it easy to escalate. You can spank, tease, and move straight into penetration, if desired.

 

4. Standing or Wall-Supported

Standing positions can be powerful, especially for short spanking sessions or roleplay scenarios.

Examples:

• Pressed against the wall, legs apart
• Standing with hands flat on a surface
• Bent slightly forward with a slight arch in the back

 

Why it works:

• Emphasises vulnerability
• Easy to incorporate into real-life scenarios
• Great for surprise or spontaneous spankings

Want to go full power exchange? Whisper orders while they assume the position, then take your time.

 

How to Incorporate Spanking into Bondage Play

If you’ve mastered basic spanking, combining it with bondage can completely transform your scenes. Being tied up makes every sensation feel more intense. Every smack becomes a surprise. Every touch lingers longer.

Here’s how to start mixing the two.

 

Step 1: Restrict Movement

Bondage isn’t just about looking sexy in restraints (though it certainly helps). It’s about shifting the power dynamic.

 

Try:

• Wrist restraints - tie them to a bed
• Under-bed restraints - easily hidden and super effective
• Spreader bars - keep legs apart for spanking and teasing

 

When your partner can't wriggle away, they’re more focused on every spank, slap, and caress. Just remember: being restrained means you, as the dominant, have a responsibility to check in and stay alert to their reactions. However, it is important to have your safe word ready, just in case. 

 

Step 2: Add Sensory Deprivation

Take away one sense, and the others light up.

• Blindfolds - remove sight and heighten anticipation
• Noise-cancelling headphones - take away background noise
• Gags - reduce verbal control (Make sure to have a non-verbal safe signal)

Imagine your partner, tied to the bed, blindfolded, gagged, waiting. The first spank land - they gasp. The second lands - they moan. They can’t see or predict anything. And you control the pace completely.

 

Step 3: Play with Power and Roleplay

Bondage and spanking both thrive on power exchange. Use this to build scenarios.

• "You've been naughty and need punishment."
• "You belong to me, and I'm going to remind you who's in charge."
• "Hold still while I decide what you deserve."

Make it theatrical or subtle, whatever feels right for your dynamic.

Try alternating pleasure with spanking. Tease them to the edge with a toy, then deliver a few smacks. Back off, then build again.

Use a remote controlled vibrator while they’re restrained and spanking them slowly. They won’t know what to beg for more - release or another swat.

 

Wrapping Up Your Spanking Endeavours

Spanking might look simple, but there’s a lot of pleasure in doing it well.

From playful swats to serious discipline, it’s a tool for connection, trust, and getting a little bit filthy with someone who enjoys it as much as you do.

Try different tools, switch up the positions, add a blindfold or a restraint. See what gets your partner squirming in the best way.

Take your time exploring. Experiment. Flirt. Laugh. Spank.

Your bed (or kitchen table) just got a whole lot more interesting.